Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
