She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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