is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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