Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
