thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
