Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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