So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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