i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
