I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
