if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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