I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
