There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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