New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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