I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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