apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
