new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
