ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
