Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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