you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the condom got lost in my hair
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
