Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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