I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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