I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
time to smoke my breakfast
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
