Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
