I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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