Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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