I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
