I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
