How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize