be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
even my farts smell like vagina
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
vagina is talking i cant
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
