Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
