Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
