This is not my ceiling
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
