god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
