I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
