u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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