this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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