JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize