When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
