Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
