Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
