That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
