i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
