my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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