he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
