Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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