So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
