Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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