I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
