you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My penis needs a shock collar
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
