thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
