I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
