In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
