It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
