Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
