just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
