somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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