I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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