i'm lost and i look like a hooker
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
