so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize