drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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