Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
