I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
