know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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