Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
