You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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