Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
