I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
