are you so shy because you have an std?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
