my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
