Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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