Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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