He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
