My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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