I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
