I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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